I let go today.

Again.

But this time it feels different.

I've been dangling by a thread, trying to figure out what to do, watching the money slip away, seeing no income in sight, begging for insight, longing for assurance. And now my resources are gone. It isn't quite the same as trusting God when I had money in my savings account.

I was an hour into my walk on the Rails to Trails, hiding my tears behind my sunglasses when I identified the feeling. Afraid, yet filled with joy.

The story of the women going to the tomb to find Jesus came to my mind and thought I'd look it up when I got home.

It really is a beautiful day for a "free-fall."

Crystal blue cloudless sky.

Reminds me of the surprise para-sailing trip with Brian and Amanda in Hawaii. The view from 600 feet was spectacular! I was a bit fearful on the way down (on the way up, too!). I didn't really want to land in the water. I could hear Brian, on the boat with the boys, saying to the man guiding us back in: "Please don't put my Mom in the water". And he didn't. I was so grateful. Amanda and I were gently guided onto the boat deck.

Three days after His crucifixion on the first day of the week, some women went to the tomb to anoint Jesus' body with spices. But His body wasn't there. Instead they ran into two men in gleaming white clothes who told them that Jesus wasn't there because He had risen from the dead just as He told them He would.

"So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy." Matthew 28:8

I just love what happened next.

"Suddenly Jesus met them." Matthew 28:9

As I let go and trust God completely to be my Provider, as He has promised, I don't expect to land in the water and sink to the bottom of the ocean.

I expect to land on solid ground.

I expect Jesus to suddenly meet me.

Am I afraid? I sure am.

Afraid.

Yet filled with joy.